If you’re a Vodacom Big Knob and watching an episode of Top Gear is equivalent to watching Clarkson and Hammond test drive your fleet of Super Cars, customer service may not mean that much to you.
And why should it? As arguably the most successful cellular network in a country that has only 4 service providers, Vodacom’s competition is about as stiff as the 100m sprint was for Usain Bolt.
Vodacom Big Knob and Vodacom Lesser Knobs – I have a few suggestions:
- The Great Wait – I don’t care if your systems are down, you have more trainees than a government hospital, and it’s month end. If I wanted to go to Home Affairs, I would have wasted my evening there…
- Repeat Visits – great when you’re running a whorehouse, not so great when it requires 5 visits to sign a contract.
- Plush Interiors – thanks for the reminder that you are clearly the most profitable cellular network in the country. It’s all about creating a comfortable environment for your salespeople customers.
- Infrastructure Circa 1995 – when your systems are down, your scanners don’t work, and your customers have to go to a neighbouring store to receive a fax, try not to look up at the neon “3G” sign outside your store. It’s embarrassing.
- Customer Blame – when you mysteriously “lose” documents and then find them 3 hours later, don’t blame the customer for your incompetence.
- Salesmen Blinded by Their Own Knob – I would love it if my boyfriend was bankrolling me, but try and at least pretend to think that women can afford mobile phone contracts.
- Extortion with a Smile – generally when customers ask, “What are the penalties for canceling my contract?”, try to not use phrases such as “it depends”, and “we’ll see how much you spend and how we can recuperate our losses”.
I think I am Interesting 